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I turn 38 tomorrow.  While it kind of frightens me that I am a mere two years away from 40, I have to say my 30’s have been good to me.  I still remember when my Dad turned 40 and my mom hosted a big Over The Hill party with all black decorations, like 40 was soooooo old then.  Now 40 seems young to me or at least I still feel young at heart.  Most days I feel like I am at least 29 and it sometimes blows my mind that I am a mom of 2.  I have to say though I love getting older and have loved my 30’s thus far.  You really start to learn what is important and what is not the older you get.  You take less bullshit.

Getting older brings new worries.   I worry about my parents getting older. I worry about my kids and the scary world we live in- terrorists, school shootings, bullying,  it all freaks me out.    I worry about my skin.  Should I be getting more treatments done- microdermabrasin, botox, micro needling, vampire facials, fillers, so many to choose from, and how do I even know which one is the best??  I worry about juggling it all, the kids, a new relationship, being a good daughter and sister.  I worry about being a good mom most of all.  That is what keeps me up most nights.   Over analyzing everything I did that day and what I could have done differently.

Things I don’t worry about anymore- the number on the scale, it is just a number.  Saying no, I am a people pleaser at heart but I have learned it is ok to say NO.  Trying to make everyone happy- it’s impossible!  Homemade treats for school parties, store bought is just fine and the kids could care less.

We all have trials and struggles in our lives and that what is makes us stronger.  It forces us to take a step back from our lives and how were living and analyze it.  This past year I have gotten into the swing of my new life as a single mom and sharing time with the kids.  It has not been an easy journey but it is getting better and we are finding a new normal.  Did I envision myself divorced at 38? never.  But these were the cards I was dealt and you better believe I am going to make the best of it.   I still harbor so much guilt about putting the kids through a divorce, but I ultimately know while it is not easy now it was the best decision we could have made.  God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.

The past year has been a real time of learning.  Learning about me, learning about others and life in general.   I am still a work in progress but I have tried really hard to get to know myself better and what I need and want out of life.  Seems easy enough but it really isn’t.  Sometimes we work so hard trying to keep our kids and significant others happy that we lose sight of what is important to ourselves.   Somewhere along the line I lost sight of who I was and who I wanted to be.  For awhile I feel like I was just an empty shell of myself going through the motions but not really living life.  Thankfully I do not feel like that anymore but it took a lot of time, tears, sadness and self discovery to get to where I am now.  I still have bad days, I think we all do but what is important at the end of the day is being grateful for what we do have instead of wishing for things we don’t.

 

I like to think 38 is the new 28.   Frances told me I was close to being a grandma and that meant I would die soon and Sterling told me I looked younger than ever, so yeah I think I will go with what Sterling said.

I thought it would be fun to share a few things you may or may not know about me.  I did 38 in honor of turning 38:)

1)  I eat at least a jar of peperoncinis a week.  They are my favorite snack and now Sterling is addicted to them too.

2) I hate the taste of toothpaste.  I would rather wash my face at nigh than brush my teeth.

3) I am a neat person but not clean.  Don’t ask me to wash dishes there will always be spots afterwards.

4) When I was in 4th grade Nickelodeon took over my school.  It was pretty amazing, Marc Summers  spear headed it and they had obstacle courses and people got slimmed.  Boys 2 Men preformed.

5) I like to eat all the cheese and toppings off my pizza and leave the bread.

6) I have been highlighting my hair since I was 13.

7) I once traveled to Germany and had a complete panic attack as we boarded the plane to come home.  I seriously thought I may have to stay and live in Germany because there was no way I could handle a 8 hour flight home.

8) My dream job would be to be a stylist or to write a cookbook.

9) My favorite flowers are peonies and tulips.  I hate sunflowers.

10) I have a black thumb at gardening and kill pretty much anything I plant.  It is a running joke at our house.

11) I am terrified of my loved ones dying and think about it several times a day.

12) I talk to my mom and sister on the phone at least 5 times a day.

13) My first car was a red Buick Skylark and stick shift.  I am still amazed I could drive stick shift.

14) I have a slight addiction to blouses.  They are my favorite items to shop for.

15) I am a total type A personality and I always like to be in control.

16) I only drink decaf coffee

17) On my first trip to NYC my mom and I went to the taping of the then Regis and Kathy and Lee Show.  My seat was the one chosen for the trivia prize.  We won a years worth supply of Ricola cough drops and a gift card to JCPenny.

18)  Favorite drink = good tequila.  Favorite meal = anything Mexican.

19) I have been really into watching movies from when I was a younger with the kids.  A few favorites so far: Overboard, Adventures in Babysitting, Troop Beverly Hills, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and Don’t Tell Mom the babysitter is dead.

20) I am terrified of flying.  Once the doors close and we about to take off sheer panic sets in.  I usually need at least 2 glasses of wine before take off to calm my nerves.

21) Gossip Girl and Breaking Bad still remain 2 of my favorite tv shows ever.

22) Two places I would love to travel to are Napa and Greece

23)  I am a total hypochondriac.  I am always convinced I am dying.

24) I don’t like cats at all.  They freak me out.

25)  I am the least athletic person in my family.  I am not good at any sports.

26)  I like to be the driver on road trips, hence my type A personality.  I like to be in control.

27)   I hate any sweet drinks.  I drink my tea unsweetened and don’t like mixers.

28) I met Bobby Flay once while I was in NYC and it made my trip complete.  I made reservations at his restaurant hoping I would see him and I did!

29) I hate going to the dentist.  I would rather go to the OBGYN than the dentist.

30)  I believe in signs from loved ones that have passed.  After my grandfather died my mom found a  frog in her house and I know it was him.  He and my grandmother loved frogs.  Now each of us will occasionally see the same sort of frog at our houses and I know it is him, letting us know he is ok.

31)  I like to keep my finger nails super short, I hate having long nails.

32)  I secretly throw away toys and art from my kids when they are not home.  And you know what they never miss it:)

33) I much prefer to write everything out in my planner than use my phone or computer.  I am completely old school in that sense.  I write a to-do list every single day.

34)  I love to read.  I don’t have as much time to read anymore but I still love to curl up in bed with really good book.  I usually have at least 5 books on my night stand at once.

35) I have one eye with blonde eye lashes and one eye with black eye lashes

36)  I am a total foodie at heart.  I start planning out my next meal of the day as I am eating the first.  My wheels are always spinning about where to eat or what to cook.  My sister and I frequently text each menus of places we are going to be eating to plan out our orders.

37) I sleep stalk Sterling and Frances Moon every single night.  I can’t go to sleep until I have checked on them sleeping.

38) I am addicted to trying out new skincare products.  It makes me giddy to try a new face mask.  I have quite the collection now!