Happy 2023 Friends. I love the start of a New Year because it truly inspires me and gives me a push to make some changes. I love a fresh start! I am not big on making a ton of resolutions but I do like to make some small life changes and habits. Last year my main goal was to step outside of my comfort zone and I did that. I went to a few events solo (my worst nightmare – I like a wingman) and took on some projects that made me step out of my comfort zone. I started working out at 5:30am. I never in a million years thought I would be the type of person to get out of bed at 5am to exercise, but getting my workouts done early has been a game changer. I also started habit stacking like doing my morning readings, lemon water, supplements and exercise all back to back. It really helped me be consistent with all of them.
This year for 2023 my goal is Letting Go. While I was home over the holidays both of my parents told me they were worried about me and that I didn’t seem quite like myself and the truth is they were right. For months I have just felt like there is a dark cloud over my head. I have felt like each day I was just merely going through the motions on autopilot. So many little things in life adding up to stress me out- navigating middle school and adolescence with Sterling, some health issues Evans is dealing with, splitting time with my ex husband, and some parts of my job slowing down because the market is just so saturated, which affects my income and ability to support my family. Those are just a few of things always on my mind. My dad pulled me aside and I immediately burst into tears telling him all my concerns and worries that felt like such a burden I was carrying alone.
Guilt is really one of the main things weighing me down. I harbor so much guilt over so many things. I am really good at internalizing everything and blaming myself. Everyday I go to bed at night and feel guilty about ways I could have been a better mom that day or done something differently. 5 years post divorce I still feel guilty about my divorce and how it affects my kids. I think the holidays always make this guilt even worse because my time with the kids is split.
My Dad told me about a sermon that resonated with him where the minster said to lay all your burdens at the altar and that God would help lift that burden for you. He said a long time ago he laid his burdens down to God and that truly helped him. You don’t have tp carry this load alone, let God help you.
This quote from the Bible sums it up “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV).
My Dad reminded me my divorce was done and that wasn’t changing. He said I needed to lay down that part of my life down to God and that burden I had been carrying for years and blaming myself. That feeling guilty my entire life would not do me or my kids any good. That was in the past and it was time to focus on the present and future. That the best way to be a good parent is to just be present with your kids and spend time with them. Talk to them get to know them and putting in that quality time makes all the difference. That talk has really stuck with me the last week into the New Year. It such a good reminder that we are not alone and sometimes you just have to lay it all down in front of God and trust him to help carry your worries.
Letting Go in 2023 means more than just letting go of my guilt about my divorce and parenting. It also means letting go of trying to be perfect. Letting go of comparing my life path to others. Letting go of my phone and screen time- taking less time to scroll and more time to read. Letting go of expectations for myself what I think my life should look like, and instead doing more things that just make me feel whole and happy. Letting go of the need to please everyone. Letting go of saying yes to every social event. Letting go of the need to always feel busy and productive and slowing down. Letting go of things that have happened in the past and no longer serve me. Letting go of so many things and really just embracing the present moment.
On a side note I have to mention we always say my Dad should have been a motivational speaker because he gives the best talks. He is always so positive and always optimistic. He has had many struggles in his life and he doesn’t dwell on any of them. He takes everything in stride and always says “if you wake up today, it is a good day.” I remember growing up on road trips he would pay Zig Ziglar motivational cassettes (before the era of cds) always trying to better himself and learn more. He always helps me reset my mindset and way of thinking.
I hope that 2023 is amazing year for all of you and thanks for following along on this journey with me!