Hi Friends! I’m Natalie Mason. I live in Charleston, SC and I am mom to Sterling 12 , Frances Moon 8 and our mini golden doodle Dolly.



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The Things I Think About Before I Fall Asleep

Mar 12, 2015

I know I mentioned before but I frequently have a hard time falling asleep at night.  I am also a light sleeper, the lightest noise like the dog snoring or a whimper from Frances will wake me right up. I am pretty sure before kids I slept like a baby (or a man) but honestly I can’t even remember now.  These days my mind wonders like crazy before bed and thinks the most random thoughts. The longer it takes me to fall asleep,  the more on edge I get counting exactly how many hours of sleep I can actually get if I fall asleep at that exact moment before the kids wake up.

This week I decided to make a list of everything that runs thru my mind at night before I fall asleep.  It’s pretty random what I think about, is this normal haha???? 

I actually kept a pad of paper beside my bed and wrote down these thoughts, they are real.  Indulge me and share what goes thru your mind before bed.

– Are the kids ok?  I hope they are still breathing.  I should go check on them and make sure they are ok – and I always do this and get out of bed and check them once more to ease my mind.

– Is that nightlight in Sterling’s room going to start a fire?  I should go turn it off now that he is alseep.

-Death.  I frequently think about death before I fall asleep, especially my parents.  I am terrified of them dying.  I actually have been talking to a therapist about this death scares me so much.  The fear of the unknown keeps me up at night but I know death is the one certainty in life.

– I should have worked out today, why didn’t I work out? My stomach is flabby and vacation is 3 months away.  I need to get my shit together and tighten up this body.  I should set my alarm and get up tomorrow morning and run.  I then pull out my phone and set an alarm, which I then snooze thru the next day, everyday.

– Was I a good mom today?  I shouldn’t have raised my voice at Sterling or let him eat two Uncrustables.  They are so bad for him but he loves them so much.  I should tell my kids I love them more and be in the moment.  I will do that tomorrow…..

– Is that weird ache in my armpit cancer?  I have had it for months now.  Must be something serious.  I should google arm pit cancer symptoms.

– What is that weird twinge in my head?  I hope its not brain cancer.   I should google symptoms.

– Should I wash my hair in the morning?  Lets see if it smells.  Sniff hair, not too bad maybe some Oribe texturzing spray and I can skip washing it again in the morning.

– Are the doors locked, cars locked, and flood lights on?  Was that a noise I heard outside?

– What is a cronut?  Do they even sell those in Charleston?  Where can I find one to try?

– My to-do list for the next day. 

–  Is that Matt snoring already?  Of course he fell asleep in two seconds and now I won’t be able to fall asleep with his snores.

– I should tell Matt I love him more.

– terror attacks and the world our kids will grow up in.

– Is Adam Levine really happy with Behati?  I wonder what would happen if I ever met him in person.  Man I love his new song Sugar.

– What should I eat for breakfast tomorrow? Avocado toast? No, too burned out on that.  Cereal, no too many carbs and processed.   Eggs?  Maybe.

– Should I check on the kids one more time?

– I forgot to switch the laundry again.  I hope it doesn’t smell like mildew tomorrow.

– Wonder whats happening on instagram?  I should check right now since I’m about to fall asleep.


Lay it on me, do you fall right asleep?  and if not what do you think about?



+ view comments

Leave a Reply

  1. caycee says:

    This may just be my most favorite post ever!! You had me cracking up girl!! Love you mean it!

  2. Whitney says:

    I normally fall right to sleep but this week I have had the worst time! I was trying to think if it was something I ate or drank but i think its just stress. On my list
    -money, bills, what to pay for first

    -work problems/stress

    – what my fiance is going to wear for our wedding!

    Hope you get some sleep tonight!

  3. Irene Toohey says:

    This had me laughing out loud. Sorry, but its only funny because I do the same. Especially death and the nightlight fires!! I think I've always feared death because I am a control freak. Death is something that is inevitable and I can't control on many levels. When you love so deeply it's scarey to think of that being taken away. Ok, this sounds awful, but most nights I think of the same thing over and over. Not because it's what I want most in life, but because it is repetitive, happy and helps! I think if I won the lottery, what would I do? I swear it helps! I start from head to toe on myself (shopping, regular maintence things I can't do now) then move to the house etc! Sounds silly, but thinking the same thing every night over and over helps me not go through the list of stressful things in life over and Over again!

  4. Proud of you for putting this out there!! The thoughts of "Arexthr car and house locked, did I turn off the oven, close the fridge, do I need to check on the boys one more time" plague me too!

  5. Once my husband falls asleep and snores my thoughts are full of swear words. It got to be a huge problem for me and then I started taking melatonin. It really helps me now.
    Good luck tonight!

  6. Bahahaha! Cronuts! I wonder about them too. Let's try them together! Girl, I read myself to sleep. Literally. If I don't, I'd be up all hours of the night thinking about all kinds of crazy things. The worst is wondering if I was too hard on Ivey and if she knows I love her. Ugh. I have crazy insomnia so I read every night and take passionflower lozenges to help the issue.

  7. Julie says:

    Is the baby still breathing is probably my #1 thing? I stalk that monitor majorly!

  8. LNC MOM says:

    Oh my God- you sound like me! Wine & Advil PM seems to do the trick for me. Prob not healthy but at least I get some sleep! xx

  9. I understand the fear of the death of loved ones. I think about that a lot at night too. Also, I always think I hear noises outside on our front porch and that keeps me up. Sometimes I focus on my breathing and that helps me to fall asleep!

  10. Courtney says:

    Nat – you are speaking to me! Having such a hard time falling asleep this week. I get so ticked when I hear hubby sleeping/snoring and I'm still up, mind spinning. So frustrating! Ambien works; but do not want to take it too much!

  11. A Manolescu says:

    This cracked me up! Thanks, Natalie, loved this post. I won't tell you that I fall asleep really easily usually πŸ™‚ I do have plenty of time during the day (I work from home) to get into some crazy thoughts though–not too different from yours!


  12. paperjunk-lc says:

    There is a guy in my yoga class that sometimes falls asleep (i know because he starts snoring) during Shavasana (last 5 min of the session). Drives me crazy how can you fall asleep that quickly.

  13. The Vetter's says:

    Yes! I'm not alone (neither are you)! I wrote this same post recently — I didn't have this problem until I became a Mom. Hopefully it'll pass…hang in there…it's definitely not easy!

  14. Carli says:

    I also laughed reading this, because I do the exact same thing…. And it lasts hours some nights ughhhh…. I purposely try to go to bed before my husband at night so I have a chance to fall asleep because once he comes to bed and falls asleep in seconds it's like okay, well there's another hour until I can relax and fall asleep… Crazy, I know
    Let me know if you ever think of any good remedies!!!! πŸ™‚

  15. KSSBelle says:

    I normally fall right asleep at night, but some of the things you think about, I definitely think about, too. Great post, as I totally know how you feel!

    Have you tried drinking almond milk before you go to bed? It helps you sleep so deeply. The best part is it is all natural. I had to drink a glass before I went to bed every night when I was expecting! You should give it a try!


  16. Sarah says:

    OMG YES! ok, first I have the same weird armpit pain, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't googled armpit cancer. πŸ™‚

    – Cora hasn't moved in awhile, taps the microphone on the baby monitor to see if she wiggles..

    – I spend way too much money – I shouldn't have bought that, but I really wanted that!

    _ Will my daughter hate me?

    – money, bills, money, saving, grocery list.. donuts

    – oh, I need to work out. Nah, I'm good, no but really get your butt to the gym.

    I think you are normal. haha.

  17. Dale says:

    I can relate to everything you said here…especially about the part about hubby falling asleep in 2 seconds flat and snoring althought I don't have that anymore. It's just so hard to turn off your mind at night – and so frustrating. I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old. My husband basically went a-wall after kids, and he met another girl when I was 6 months pregnant with #2. I didn't know anything was even wrong until he told me he was not happy when baby #2 was 2 months old. He moved out when she was 6 months old. So, suffice it to say, I cannot sleep anymore at all. Just 7 months ago, I had my fairytale life. Things can certainly change fast. I am thankful for my two beautiful, healthy babies, but adjusting to life as a single mom has been very hard to say the least. It does not help that I still love the butthole. If you figure out the recipe to get husband you still love and images of him with his homewrecking girlfriend out of your head at night, let me know! I cry myself to sleep like a grownup and really enjoyed your post today πŸ™‚

  18. Lol! I can relate to so many of these. The kids breathing, ugh that's the worst I freak myself out and HAVE to get up and check on them too!

  19. Bridget says:

    I could have written this, but I don't have kids, just a husband. I developed a debilitating fear of death after I got married. Suddenly I realized "omg I'm married..I'm getting older..omg.." and that it could happen any day to anyone and I can't control it. I just have to go one day at a time at this point, it's awful!

    I plan lots of things in the future to look forward to, and keep myself happy as possible. Try to turn off the news!

  20. Sara Mueller says:

    I'm so like this too! So many questions. Last night was a rough one for me.

  21. I have most of these same thoughts! Must be a mom thing πŸ™‚

  22. I have a hard time falling asleep at night, too. 2pm is pretty usual for me. But my to-do list runs through my head as soon as my head hits the pillow. It's like I suddenly can remember all of the things I should have done that day. Awful! I can only imagine how much worse it will be when we have children. I keep a notepad by my bed and write down everything- it helps relax me and clears it out of my head. Then again, sometimes when I have a cold coming on, I will secretly love it because that means I can take NyQuil and it makes me sleep like a rock!

  23. kimm atwood says:

    Girl I am the same way. I go to bed with my mind racing and I sleep like sh#* every night. I worry and stress so much it literally consumes me. Thanks for sharing

  24. Molly says:

    You're not alone- I worry about many of the same things! The longer I'm up, the crazier my worries. Never had this until I became a mom. I usually read until I'm super sleepy which is helpful. Let us know if you find anything that works!

  25. Veronika says:

    My daughter is 21 months old and we still use our video monitor at night to check in if we hear her cry or whimper. I feel ya.

  26. Naturalntru says:

    I swear you're in my head lol!! I literally think some of the same things especially death.. For my parents too. I just say a prayer right after for protection for them and my family. Here's one that crosses my mind too.. I should come on to my husband… Haha! Lol!! I'm so bummed out after work/kids that's the last thing on my mi d. Checking yr blog is usually something I do before bed. The weird pains… Same here… Man this is hilarious! I worry I have a hernia or something worse too… All we can do is keep doing what we're doing as women, uplift and motivate each other. Thanks for sharing as always.

  27. Kelly Graf says:

    I always find myself making a plan for what I would do if someone broke into our house (where I would hide, how I would get to the kids etc) you are not alone from the looks of all these comments!!

  28. Heather says:

    I read your blog everyday but I don't post on comments too much. Wanted to today though…I was listened to a radio show (James Dobson) and he was talking about the fear of losing your children. I know you are a religious person because you talk about going to church. On the show he talked about how God has pre determined everything for our children and that includes their birth and their death!! I too spent so much time worrying over all this stuff but the funny thing is that we have no control over most of it. You just have to trust God. If He has enough wisdom to create this universe-He can handle our lives too. He would never put more on us than we can handle. Stop worrying!! Just give all of that stuff to the Lord and let Him control it-He does anyway!! Love you sweet sister!!

  29. Oh this is too funny…similar thoughts run through my head, especially with a newborn. How do we survive the sleep deprivation?! I did read this trick and I think it helps: http://www.byrdie.com/how-to-fall-asleep-fast

  30. Kristen says:

    i don't have kids, but the rest of these – could have been written by me! if its too personal you don't have to answer – is the therapist helping? i think about *that* way too often, and i can't stop because i know it's inevitable. but i want to stop, because it's kind of annoying!!

  31. Keely says:

    Dying over this post!!!! Sooooo meere! To every point you mentioned, including the snoring husband and the armpit situation…I have thought of too! In addition, my kids room is in the front of the house on the second floor, I am always fearful that someone will break in there window and take them??!! So bazar, right! Also I go through a plan of how to get the entire family out of the house if we have a fire or something happens in the middle of the night. I worry about my family getting in car accidents. I always ream them about being careful while driving, I also am peranoid about others driving my kids around without me…gosh now I sound like a crazy person!!!! I'm pretty normal promise! Lol thanks for sharing love! Xoxo

  32. Pieces says:

    I used to have a lot of trouble falling asleep after my first child, constantly wondering if she was breathing if I was too hard on her etc, pretty much your whole list lol. When I was pregnant with my 2nd I learned some deep breathing techniques and this thing called rainbow relaxation you should youtube it and see if it works for you, it sounds a bit silly but it knocked me right out the first time I tried it.

  33. Ha! Love this. Especially the random thoughts thrown in about Adam Levine. I too am always counting until my alarm goes off. It's never enough hours to be asleep!!

  34. Kelly Otwell says:

    You are SO not alone in this!! My kids are 19, 16 and 13 and I still double check them every night to make sure they look ok, are covered, don't look like they are about to fall off of the bed, etc. I have to force myself not to check on my son anymore when he comes home from college. My husband falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow. How I wish that I could do that. I can't even imagine. He snores terribly, but two years ago, I finally talked him into going for a sleep study and he has sleep apnea. He got a CPAP, which was difficult to adjust to, but now I sleep in wonderful quiet. The low hum of the machine is actually very soothing. My father died almost 5 years ago. I was 39 at the time and it was really awful. It has gotten easier with time, but I still really miss him and I think I always will. He died of cancer 7 months after he was diagnosed, so I had a little time to wrap my mind around the idea. After he died, sleep became even more elusive. I started taking ambien shortly after he died and I have taken it every night since. And it seriously still takes me over an hour to go to sleep and I wake up during the night. But I think that hormones are playing a part in that now. Since my kids are in school and my oldest daughter drives, I lay back down once I know they have made it to school and sleep for a couple of hours. I sleep better then than at any other time. It's totally quiet and so peaceful. I used to worry about someone getting sick and needing me, but my husband knows how hard it is for me to sleep, so he says that the school can always get ahold of him if, for some reason, I sleep through a phone call. I've thought of finding a counselor to help, so please keep us posted if you think it is helping with your sleep.

  35. Victoria says:

    Omg! This is so me! Especially the part about Adam Levine;)

  36. graywolff says:

    Oh Lordy….I thought I was the only one thinking about dying on a daily basis…
    if I get sick will I give up….
    am I loving God as I should..
    ..what will my husband do without me ( because I WILL go before him)-
    -is that heart burn or cancer of the esophagus?
    Can I stop drinking wine?
    Is today the day the people at work will discover I really know nothing ( after 24 years in the field)

    The list goes on….

  37. Jen Watts says:

    As if I couldn't love you more!!!! I always think about death and losing my parents at night… I have no idea why?? And it freaks me out. And I always start thinking about what I'll eat for breakfast.

  38. This was a great post- I can relate to a lot and some made me laugh.

  39. OMG. The bits about googling cancer symptoms and Adam Levine had me laughing out loud. I, too, freak out about my mother dying or my grandparents dying (who are like my other parents). I think about it all too often and start crying my eyes out. I don't have kids, but I stay up worrying about my puppy babies. I worry that they'll get a terminal illness, get hit by a car, and how I wish they could live forever so they'll be there to watch my children grow up. You're not alone in your struggles!

  40. Leigh says:

    Oh my gosh this is me!!! I have always had the hardest time falling asleep and I'm such a light sleeper! It drives me crazy. If the kids so much as turn over, I jump out of bed to check on them. Then I can't go back to sleep because I start the process all over again. I think about something happening to the kids, someone trying to break in, a fire, death, anything horrible…that's what goes through my brain. Then I start the how much sleep can I get before my alarm goes off and I have to get ready for work countdown. I wish I could stop the madness. My husband goes to sleep seriously instantly. He lays down and is out before I can count to 1.

  41. Oh man, I hear ya on the lists of things running through my head!! I don't remember if you guys use essential oils or not!? There are two that I swear by now that shut my mind off and I sleep sooo good!! Darn crazy mom brains! Xo!

  42. Betsy says:

    Thanks for sharing this. I have never commented, but am really struggling now with anxiety and sleep issues. They are so intertwined. I take medicine, but it's still a struggle. It's good to know I'm not alone.

  43. kelly says:

    You should try a fan next to your bed for white noise. It helps with the snoring hubby. I have always been a light sleeper and say that "if my kids fart down the hall I can hear them." Having the fan on low helps keep my mind off thinking that I am hearing them. Also they say its really bad to look at a device before bed because it keeps you awake. I am guilty of this as i too often look at my phone in the night. good luck

  44. Salima says:

    So true and so real! You are not alone when it comes to some of those thoughts. I think a lot of people have problems sleeping at night due to worry. I being one of them. I've heard meditation helps. I am thinking about trying it before bed to easy my own restless mind.

  45. Junkshow says:

    So happy to know I am not alone.